I'd like to pee in one of those mirrored bathrooms

Mood? Happzy happzy FUCKING HAPPYCAAAAKES.
I started college on Monday, and I finally have my first late start.
Okay, it's only an extra hour.. BUT I STILL NEED TO READ FRANKENSTEIN >.<
and Deathnote >_>

I've decided that I am going to be a professional retard. If that fails, I'll become a hooker for people with fucked up fetishes like roleplaying as vampires and really sucking each others blood. That would be so hot. Or if it was a girl who was into Harry Potter, we'd fuck each other with wands. Oooofffft.
...
Now I see why I shouldn't be unleashed upon the internet.
I'm too fucked up.

I need to place an ad somewhere to find more freaks into freaky shit. But I don't want someone who looks freaky. Not even if they looks like You-Know-Who. Ugh, turn off, tbh! And especially if they look like Edward-I-Shine-Like-A-Poofter-Cullen. (I just heard the word "arse" on my iTunes. AHAHAHA). Seriously, I haven't had sex in.. like... ages.
And my last make-out session was.. Saturday. Bollocks. I thought it was longer ago than that. Feels like it. Then again, she was pure dutt, so I'm probably tryna just forget that.

Ooh, I just got a friend request on Facebook from some guy I met on this anime forum. He looks kinda hot... maybe he's into freaky shit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not attracted to him in the way like I'd wanna be with him; but if he's good in the sack then I'd fuck him. Why not, eh? I'd be playing it safe anyway. Remember, kiddies, always use a johnny. Or a raincoat. Or a rubber, you americans.

...Stop it, Matt. Stop talking about Sex. STOP. IT.
Okay, time to read about sex, instead.
Fanfic tiiiime!